Have spent the last couple of days on a course about self employment which has been excellent. encouraging and challenging. Prior to that it was a relay of vomiting children, 5 nights in a row, a total of 9 hours sleep in 5 days! So we are all trying to get back on our feet, and I need to get back to work.
I have a load to do!
I am trying to build something. This is a good thing, and something I would not have had the time or inclination to do when I was smoking dope, drinking up or pouring my life into K/D ratios on CoD! God has better plans for us than we have. The modern culture definitely wants to give us "bread and circuses", to eat up our time and energy on entertainment, secondaries, stuff that cant and wont make a difference. We were not made for such stuff! We were given a mission, a job to do, something so significant that eternity will not forget it. But if the devil can bait the world with something tempting to our ever-warring flesh then he will do. Anything to stop us building God's Kingdom, tending is garden.
The stuff I have to do, aside from the simple fact that I have no technical ability with furniture, is all out of my capacity: heavy on the admin, paperwork and structure. But it is amazing how God has schooled me for this moment, taking on process and policy design for church even though I hate it, getting me ready for what was coming.
I am just trusting him that He will fulfill it all as I go along, as long as I sweat over what He has given me and never, ever move past His good news and continue to pray as though it all depended on Him.
Thursday 30 April 2015
Kingdom Building and giants
So we have had a crazy couple of weeks. I won't bore you in one post with all of the details. It will be far better if I took a number of posts to bore you with the details!
We recently went on holiday, looking for some respite and relaxation close to family. Before this, I was digging my way through the practicalities of setting up a social enterprise, loving the theory, excited at the possibilities, but very much feeling out of my depth when it came to the technical side. I'll admit I'm not a very practical guy, I like theology, philosophy, thinking, sitting, talking about stuff: your typical daydreamer! Which, I admit, might be a nice way of putting your typical lazy beggar. I hope this isn't the case. I'm pretty self-motivated, and able to work consistently and hard at whatever sitting, philosophising, theologizing etc. etc. I'm presently doing. And I have worked really hard at putting bones on the vision. I can see it in the future, see that slice of God's kingdom growing, see some of the how and the why and the what of it.
However.
I've also seen my complete lack of technical ability, and hit a wall before the holiday when it came to business plan specifics. I looked at my previous experience, my own skill set, and was forced to ask myself why I thought I should be the one to take this forward.
And I didn't have an answer.
So feeling pretty despondent, we went away. The holiday turned out to be far less than relaxing, with Judah screaming most nights and a real sense of heaviness that seem to accompany us. I had some great time to pray and seek the Lord, and Jeanette and I had some great conversations, and an evening of prayer together which was very precious.
It wasn't until we returned home when I was reminded, and I can't even remember by whom, that we do what we do because God says so, not because we are equipped, but because he is sovereign. There is a great Song on the new Social Club album "Us", called Carpe Diem, which I mis-heard to say "it's not about how good you are but about how good He is to me". I like that.
He is good, so we walk on, dark vallys and shadows and death and all that.
So we will keep going, daily, trusting Him for every step.
We recently went on holiday, looking for some respite and relaxation close to family. Before this, I was digging my way through the practicalities of setting up a social enterprise, loving the theory, excited at the possibilities, but very much feeling out of my depth when it came to the technical side. I'll admit I'm not a very practical guy, I like theology, philosophy, thinking, sitting, talking about stuff: your typical daydreamer! Which, I admit, might be a nice way of putting your typical lazy beggar. I hope this isn't the case. I'm pretty self-motivated, and able to work consistently and hard at whatever sitting, philosophising, theologizing etc. etc. I'm presently doing. And I have worked really hard at putting bones on the vision. I can see it in the future, see that slice of God's kingdom growing, see some of the how and the why and the what of it.
However.
I've also seen my complete lack of technical ability, and hit a wall before the holiday when it came to business plan specifics. I looked at my previous experience, my own skill set, and was forced to ask myself why I thought I should be the one to take this forward.
And I didn't have an answer.
So feeling pretty despondent, we went away. The holiday turned out to be far less than relaxing, with Judah screaming most nights and a real sense of heaviness that seem to accompany us. I had some great time to pray and seek the Lord, and Jeanette and I had some great conversations, and an evening of prayer together which was very precious.
It wasn't until we returned home when I was reminded, and I can't even remember by whom, that we do what we do because God says so, not because we are equipped, but because he is sovereign. There is a great Song on the new Social Club album "Us", called Carpe Diem, which I mis-heard to say "it's not about how good you are but about how good He is to me". I like that.
He is good, so we walk on, dark vallys and shadows and death and all that.
So we will keep going, daily, trusting Him for every step.
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